You have reached Kristina's livejournal. It's not 'friends only' because she believes that you should know a bit about her and what the contents of her posts are before you decide to add her. She's just lazy to go through the trouble of locking all her previous posts, really.

If you have been friended: it's likely because she had encountered you at some point. Maybe from communities you share in common or linked from a friend for your fictions, artworks, etc. Or maybe because she thinks you're cool and spiffy! But either way, it'd be great if you would have her around and better still if you added her in return because she'd like that a lot. :D

If you happen to add her: she'd be more than happy to return the favour if
✫she knows you from some other community and/or website.
✫the both of you have at least one thing in common.
✫you don't have the habit of typing lYk3 d1s.
But it'd be nice if you would just spare a few moments and kindly drop a line informing her about it. That's because she doesn't check her userinfo often and may not realize that you added her if you did. Also, she'd want to know a little bit about you before she decides to add you in return. So don't be lazy, mm-kay?

That said, feel free to add her if you think the both of you will get along well.


P.S. To keep in touch with her, check out her timezone here.

It's the intensity of your piercing gaze that I constantly feel roaming my skin, gleaming through the dark that night has sheathed us with, glistening with naked intentions. It's the low resonance of your voice and faint acridity of your breath whispered near the lobes of my ear, which is so oddly familiar. It's the lingering trace of your worn and callous hands I still feel pressed softly and firmly against my flesh – All the things that though are not ideal or perfect, are so uniquely you to me. You make me feel safe, you make me belong. But there are times, however, when even being right feels wrong.

This sharing of intimacy, being in close and comforting proximity, is it momentary and insignificant in meaning to you? Are you so rushed and taken by the heat of the moment that all this is merely a torrent of hormones? Would the moments we shared simply come to pass and become lost in an inextricable tangle of memories, not meant to ever be evoked? There are many questions that I inwardly grapple with, those which you blissfully pretend not to know of. It doesn't have to matter to you, but it makes all the difference in the world to me.

There you stand, vacuous and ignorant, strong arms encircling my waist and face just inches away from mine. A part of me wants to reach out with a hand and send a slap across for all the hurt you've knowingly caused. The other part wants to react in a polar opposite manner, to return the embrace, to express the sheer want and longing, to be held safe and secure in blissful ignorance, to be loved.

But there I stand, hands frozen by my side, vexed and paralyzed, unable to react to this odd conflict of emotions.

Humans have enjoyed theatrical plays since the dawn of time, often forgetting that they themselves put up an act before others in real life. Like a devil dancing on a painted stage. This barricade of lies they so easily build can shield them from facing reality, but one day, they will surely fall to pieces from the pressure built within.

Fate can be ever so cruel to these beings who find comfort in deceit. They are condemned to slowly lose their mind, humanity, and are cast out of the circle they think they can fall back on. Then, they lose their existence and the very essence that defines them. In an instant, in a blink of an eye –

They are gone. Dead and forgotten.

It's different now. You no longer mingle with familiar beings, and along with that which you left behind, the warm atmosphere that had once wrapped you in a loving embrace has now dissipated. Comforting faces have disintegrated from your sight and are replaced with unknown faces that you don't quite recognise. These people looking at you, surrounding you, introducing themselves – you don't know them. Before you know it, what was once ordinary, what was once common, what was once routine, what was once something you knew you could fall back onto, is no longer.

Everything is new. You are simply overwhelmed and left speechless, vulnerable and confused. But persistently shying away from matters which manifest in the recesses of your mind only leads you to become one of those types – the type who is senselessly confined and ignorant, the type who suffers as a result of self-induced silence, the type who realizes how wonderfully different things could have been once it is already far too late.

Everything is different. 'Foreign' is never a word which appeases the mind. So there you are, like a deer caught in the glaring headlights, for the world to see. The murky brown pool of your eyes trash about restlessly, clearly revealing how lost you are, making you feel more vulnerable than ever. Nothing is hidden. Not a thing is left covered. And suddenly the nudity of it all becomes offensive.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Hi, this is my first post from Melbourne, Australia. I'm alive and well, but homesick, very much so. What I miss are reassuring presences, my comfort zone. I came across this quote once that said distance has a way of factoring itself into the already fraught equation. I know that now, by learning it the hard way.

The day has finally come.

My flight to Melbourne is tonight at 9.30 pm. And in a few hours from then, I'll be in new, unfamiliar grounds, away from my home for 3 years (though I'll be back during some of the long breaks). I can still remember how glad I was at the thought of it, during my previous breakdown, how I wish to escape the problems and troubles I have by running away, disguised by my trip to study abroad. I know it's wrong, but some part of me is sighing in relief.

But now, I'm simply a bundle of mixed emotions – happy for the journeys that lie ahead, excited for the new experiences yet to unfold, and sad for leaving my comfort zone, the place I know I can fall back on. It's a scary thought, it really is, but the notion oddly sends tingles of exhilaration throughout my being.

My life, my journeys, they lie in the outstretched road beyond and now, I'm standing at the starting point. The beginning.

The image doesn't match the one you have in your mind – the hair, the eyes, the face, and the overall emotion that it exudes. You don't know her, she's an enigma that you can't even begin comprehend, a mystery with endless possibilities. But she sees through you, and recognises the little things about you that even you have yet to discover.

It's your reflection, but a stranger's looking back at you.

A few weeks ago, my sister and I ordered three portraits to be drawn - two single and one couple portrait - by none other than futomimii's friend. She posted a sample of his artwork and it was amazing, so we thought why not? and went ahead with it.

Today, I received the portraits from futomimii and omg-- they're gorgeous! ♥
The one of me is the image posted above. Amazing, huh? (I wish I have even a fraction of his skill D8)

Chinese New Year '09 had been filled with delicious food, noisy relatives, annoying children and screaming babies - pretty much how it is every year. I find the whole ordeal pretty tiring and hectic, and only look forward to it because it's the only time of the year when my entire family takes the initiative to spend quality time together.

Sadly, this week totally keeled my diet because of the family reunion dinners and CNY cookies. My weak will gave in to the temptations far too easily. But no worries. I'm going to start on an extreme diet next week to lose the extra weight and hopefully more before I leave for Melbourne. Something tells me that I'm going to gain tons over there but I'm still excited nevertheless. Just two weeks and I'm off to Aussie!

But I'm not all that happy right now - I'm sick. I haven't been this ill for a long time and my random mood swings all day tell me that my body isn't dealing with it very well. It started with strings of coughing, then the flu and sore throat came along. And today, they were joined by bouts of really painful cramps. As I'm typing this, my eyes are stinging and tearing and gahhh – someone, please make it stop. :(

That said, I hope everyone else had a better day than I did.


Happy Chinese New Year to all who celebrates it! I hope y'all had a great time. And those who don't, I hope your week went well! :)


[EDIT] And the week had been so hectic that I even forgot it was Jaejoong's birthday on the first day of CNY. Aha. A lil' late now, but I hope you had a great time and will have an awesome year ahead!

Happy 23^rd/24^th birthday Jae ♥