You have reached Kristina's livejournal. It's not 'friends only' because she believes that you should know a bit about her and what the contents of her posts are before you decide to add her. She's just lazy to go through the trouble of locking all her previous posts, really.

If you have been friended: it's likely because she had encountered you at some point. Maybe from communities you share in common or linked from a friend for your fictions, artworks, etc. Or maybe because she thinks you're cool and spiffy! But either way, it'd be great if you would have her around and better still if you added her in return because she'd like that a lot. :D

If you happen to add her: she'd be more than happy to return the favour if
✫she knows you from some other community and/or website.
✫the both of you have at least one thing in common.
✫you don't have the habit of typing lYk3 d1s.
But it'd be nice if you would just spare a few moments and kindly drop a line informing her about it. That's because she doesn't check her userinfo often and may not realize that you added her if you did. Also, she'd want to know a little bit about you before she decides to add you in return. So don't be lazy, mm-kay?

That said, feel free to add her if you think the both of you will get along well.

♥ Kristina

A new chapter of Pandora Hearts was just released! Retrace 45 is centered around the Nightray - more of Gilbert, Vincent, and tsundere Elliot - which is made of total win. I realise I've been fangirling this fandom way too much, and I blame frenetic.

And on a side note, the anime was a complete letdown. :(


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He kills. He kills easily. He kills without hesitation and without remorse. They say he's lost all sense of compassion – that might be true if what he did was uncalled for, if what he did wasn't the effect of some cause that not many people knew about – but they're wrong. They say he's not in touch with his emotions, that he's confused – that might be true if innocent people were involved – but they're wrong. They say he's insane. But he's not. Sometimes he thinks he's the only sane one in the world.

And so he kills. He kills too easily. He kills because he doesn't understand, nor does he care to, why they can't see that he's no worse than any of them, why they can't see that he's willing to take measures that they won't. He's just honest, and he loves his brother very much. All it took was a push of a door, and he killed everyone he hated and save the only one who mattered. Thousands died for one, hundred years had gone by for one – but they were sacrifices he was willing to make.

Vincent would sacrifice everything for the only one that mattered to him.

Try to remember how delightful it was to smile at strangers, to play freely in the fields, to live free of danger. Try to remember having no responsibility, no expectation and every day was bright and new. As we age and grow, we seem to have lost the simple things in life which give us simple pleasures.

Youth is a misplaced thing in the world. It disappears well before it has established itself and well before we can come to any appreciation of it. When we were young, we had the freedom of genuine innocence that's impossible to recapture now.


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I miss my childhood, where the hardest decision was picking a crayon.

I've been writing again. More Pandora Hearts. Specifically, more of Gilbert and Vincent! So much love for the Nightray brothers. It's not yaoi or anything - I just like the relationship between them, of Vincent's twisted love and Gilbert's selfish whims. And spoilers ahead, regarding the truth behind the Tragedy of Sablier.

Again, dedicated to frenetic ♥


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Vincent loves his brother. Loves him so, so much – enough to bring forth the destruction of a whole city. Of course it wasn't on purpose, not really. It wasn't his fault. It really wasn't.

It was all them. They did it. The shadows in red. The evil man with his cold, emotionless eyes. The little girl with a sweet face but spiteful tongue. He hated her. She was fake and nasty – she caused Gil to make that expression again, placed a frown on Jack's face, and made them turn away from him. He hated her so much. He hates her still. I heard your brother was killed by Glen, the little girl said, looking down from her high tower. But it's really a pity. No more – he didn't want to hear any more! But with a sickening smile, she continued. The person whose body is taken by Glen, will one day have their soul swallowed! Her cynical laughter echoed in his mind and then he couldn't take it any longer.

Tiny fingers clenched around a pair of scissors and plush fell down on the ground, stuffing scattered. Hate hate hate. Hate her. Hate them all. All that tried to hurt his Gil. Yes, it had just been about Gil. It's always been about Gil. Loving and protective in a time of hatred. The sun in his darkness. The only one who ever cared. The one who knew that he would ruin everything, but still cradled him in warm arms. And in return, Vincent loved him dearly.

Yes, everything wasn't his fault. It had never been. The little girl with the foul mouth was nasty, the shadows in red had taken Gil away and the evil man had tried to kill Gil. So he had to do what every loving brother would do, and he did just that. He had saved his brother, with a simple push of a door – and Sablier fell.

But that incident was of no importance to him. No, he isn't concerned that the land sank into the Abyss. He isn't hurt that thousands died. He doesn't even care that hundred years were taken from him. And the thought of the little girl falling into the dark rabbit's hole even brings laughter into his room as he reaches for scissors and brings it heavily upon a plush – and then he hears it – a sharp intake of breath, and his mismatched eyes looks up only to find the golden ones of his brother. He smiles but Gil looks shocked. And slowly, he lays down his scissors beside a headless toy rabbit.

If only Gil knew. Then it won't be shock on his face, but disgust, anger, hatred. But Gil doesn't know. He musn't. And though it hurts so much, he's glad that Gil can't remember the past, can't remember that day. It hurts, because the Gil now doesn't love him as much as the Gil in the past. It hurts, because the person Gil seeks and protects now is a mere brat of the hateful Vessalius family and not him. It hurts, because it makes him fear that perhaps his brother had never loved him as much as he did and never needed him as much as he did.

It really hurts. But Gil can never know.

You have something important that you're hiding from me, don't you? Gil always says.

And his answer is always the same. Nope, I will never lie to Gil.

Okay. I got a good night's sleep and it's time to put depressing thoughts aside by engaging in writing! I haven't written in an entire year or more but I've recently discovered the awesomeness that is Pandora Hearts (yes, I'm that outdated, people) and naturally, I'd be attracted to the Nightray brothers. Seriously, how can one not like the chaotic relationship between crazy and emo? So, yes, here's a random scribble on brotherly love!

Dedicated to frenetic ♥


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It's the way his brother says he loves him that sends shivers up Gilbert's spine - he'd gotten used those three words long ago, echoing in his mind whenever a small child with mismatched eyes showed up with a flash of scissors and falling stuffing. It was that sound, that sight, that never failed to make Gilbert wrap his arms around him, ensuring warmth and offering security. After all, he knew that sound all too well. It was the sound Vincent made whenever he was angry-- no, lonely. And the only way to make him stop is to do just that, hold him tight and whisper promises of never letting go.

But Gilbert knows, even though he denies, that he failed to do so. He failed to never let go. He knows, because the small, insecure child who used to shiver and cry in his arms was no more. He doesn't know how or why-- or more precisely, perhaps he doesn't want to. Because the difference is too great, too much despite the large gap between his memories. Because now, in front of him, is a boy whose hesitant, sweet voice had evolved into dark whispers that speak of lies and tragedies and twisted fairytales, and those lips–- yes, those lips that hid a beautiful, innocent smile Gilbert used to cherish – now curl into a devilish smirk that tugged painfully at his heart. Yes - innocence - that is where the difference lies.

And whenever night drapes the sky, Gilbert closes his eyes, curls in his bed, and hopes for a tomorrow where he isn't greeted by a smile void of innocence and a touch so cold it burns. It hurts, because it reminds him of how truly useless he really is to have failed the one person bonded to him, deeper than blood, longer than a hundred years. But as much as Gilbert hopes, this is no nightmare. His retribution is long and crude - even now he can see it all happening behind his closed eyelids, haunting his every dream. That is what the Abyss is - casting its hand upon their memories, the nightmares become the truth, and the dreams remain as they are.

O--kay. So I haven't been around much thanks to the entity called university that had literally kept me busy all year round. Sorry again, my lovelies! ♥

And now that I'm playing catch-up, I come across all these news about DBSK - the split between JaeChunSu and HoMin against SM - and wow. Just wow. At first I thought dbsg was just blowing things out of proportions because, well, they tend to do just that. That's why I don't really visit the comm anymore, but that's pretty much the main source of DBSK news so I've got no choice. :x

I just can't believe I missed so much, though I can't really say I'm unhappy since I'd be way happier not knowing that anyways. I don't even want to discuss about the details since I'm sure most of you already know. It just hurts to see them all like that. Because even if the whole ordeal has blown over for now, and even if they act as if nothing has happened on screen, I doubt that the family is and will be the same as it was before given that they're under different terms and contracts now. They're even doing individual activities or grouped ones but ultimately, not as a whole. And then there's the thing about their contract with Japan's AVEX and-- really, I'm better off not knowing all this.

They're performers. Why can't they just do that - perform? Why do things get so complicated?

The following excerpt just makes it even worse:-
[full article can be found at DBSKer]

"Just sometime ago, in Japan TVXQ attended NHK's year-end award festival Kouhaku Uta Gassen as five members for the first time, however the three members, whose provisional disposition application to terminate exclusive contract against SM Entertainment was accepted by the Korea court as the issue of court injunction, seem to be more passionate in the performance and there was an unseen tense and emotional conflict with the remaining two members that makes the current situation impossible to predict."

...This is really depressing. I think I'm going to bed now.


P.S. I'm happy that they're trying to diversify and pursue different activities - Changmin with his upcoming drama, Junsu in a musical, Yunho already did a drama, and I'm not sure what Jaejoong and Yoochun are up to but I'm pretty sure they're not free - I'm happy for them, I really am, and seeing their solo works gain popularity brings a smile to my face, but the DBSK fangirl in me would like to see them together. Sigh.

P.S.S. And in the midst of all this, I kinda lost my passion for them. I still like them and all (obviously, since I dedicated a long-ish post to them) but I think I lost interest in their performances? Maybe it's because I don't see the energy from them anymore. Or maybe because I don't like the new direction of their songs. Or... I don't know how to describe it, really. But even after I got my hands on shiny new Secret Code concert and AADBSK3, I don't even feel like watching them. They're still wrapped and gathering dust at the side of my table. Hmm.

It begins with a simple melody, a chime of three notes deep, inside you. The wind has a roar and I am dreaming - I ask you to join me.

Essential to thought, the dreams descend like birds on wings. Emotions well and sighing tears mix with happiness. Free imagination sees the amazement of life, bursts like a flower, blossoms on the grass. For a single moment, all Eden of life is before me. Constellations with stars, the starlit water of the ocean. I dream of the immense universe, the entire universe as heavy clouds filled with rain, more flowers than leaves.

While you speak your body is the beach chasing the surf of the ocean. Irises that burst open and reveal of the imagination a soul of love and play, and when that dog breaks free from his collar, you are after him along the ocean and your eyes tell me it is such a perfect day. This is an amazement of life we quietly understand like heavy clouds in the field.

Running watercolours of the landscape I am one with the stars, and I see wonderful things. You are fast asleep and you dream of waking up to the world of everything - there is so much to learn, imagine, seek. I wait and watch, silent. And with deep affection, I take you into my arms.

When the bright rays of the morning sun shines through the open windows, I lazily open my eyes and the sight of you lying heavily on my chest brings a smile upon my face. I turn to see pink flowers lining the banks and small lilies and the buds of fallen trees bursting with fresh leaves. I see a distant tree on a hill. And then a river, and then a forest, and then the world.


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This is a HAPPY NEW YEAR message from me to all of you. Thank you for still keeping me around although I haven't been updating my journal much. It's been a hard year for me and I'm still trying to work things through, so I can't promise anything but I'll try to post more often.

I miss LJ and I miss you guys ♥

The sharing of intimacy between us, is it momentary and meaningless to you? Does it merely pass and become lost in a tangle of memories? When you're locked in embrace, what is it that you observe? Or are you so rushed and taken by the heat of the moment that all this is swept away by the anticipation of experiencing a sweet, divine pleasure?

Regardless, only you have the power to free me this way. A warm body that pins me down, hot and heavy; lips pressing against mine, passionate and fervent; tongue and fingers on my chest, touching and teasing before traveling to my stomach, legs and then lower – it's pain, arousal and pleasure all woven together into a flawless tapestry. Just the thought of me melting against your skin bursts open my formerly closed world, as you so graciously accept me into your own. And then, I fall in love with you all over again.

But when morning comes, I'll lay awake and alone, once again, left with nothing but sweet memories and lingering warmth. Still, my eyes continue to seek you while my body craves for more. I'm stuck in this nightmare, one that I keep thinking I'll wake from. I keep thinking that I'll forever remain safe and secure in your arms, that there will come a time when you will utter those three words to me, the ones that all lovers share.

I had been wrong, so terribly wrong, that the knowledge of my stupidity and blindness was like a separate pain all to itself.