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 You have reached Kristina's livejournal. It's not 'friends only' because she believes that you should know a bit about her and what the contents of her posts are before you decide to add her. She's just lazy to go through the trouble of locking all her previous posts, really.If you have been friended: it's likely because she had encountered you at some point. Maybe from communities you share in common or linked from a friend for your fictions, artworks, etc. Or maybe because she thinks you're cool and spiffy! But either way, it'd be great if you would have her around and better still if you added her in return because she'd like that a lot. :D If you happen to add her: she'd be more than happy to return the favour if ✫she knows you from some other community and/or website. ✫the both of you have at least one thing in common. ✫you don't have the habit of typing lYk3 d1s. But it'd be nice if you would just spare a few moments and kindly drop a line informing her about it. That's because she doesn't check her userinfo often and may not realize that you added her if you did. Also, she'd want to know a little bit about you before she decides to add you in return. So don't be lazy, mm-kay? That said, feel free to add her if you think the both of you will get along well. P.S. To keep in touch with her, check out her timezone here.
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Please listen and don't say a word, just yet
I'd like you to think back to the very first time we met
Our first date, our first kiss, and the memories we shared
And just remember that once upon a time, you cared
I remember warm embraces; you would beat with my heart as it beats
I remember sweet kisses; I would follow your soul as it leads
Our life was a fairytale, so much more than a dream come true
Locked in a world of our own, there was just me and you
Now think about how we parted, and how much I cried
It's a day I’ll never forget; it was when a part of me died
I learnt my lesson now, but it's already far too late
That the concept of love stands for fear and fate
I never thought we would end with a goodbye
You never looked back as I cried to the sky
You never said anything, not even at the end
But looking at your face alone, even without words I understand
For a long time, my mind wandered in its most desperate form
Where screams were mere whispers in a never-ending storm
The ache was of pain and agony, a deep and unbearable sorrow
I'd lay awake each night, wishing there was no tomorrow
You were a special part of my life that I'll never forget
A part of my life that broke my heart, but one that I don't regret
You were my first and true love, of a time long ago
Even if there are many others after, that will always be so
Now time has come to let it go, let it be forgotten
The passing years will put a stop to the want and yearn
I'll leave thoughts of you behind, forever and ever
Buried with only memories of tears, white and silver
But if I was given a chance to do everything again
I'd still take the same path, despite the sadness and pain
I loved you from the very first moment, loving you now and still
Even if I knew the ending, I wouldn't change the way I feel
So please listen and don't say a word, not ever
I'd like you to remember that once upon a time, we said forever
You promised me the world, I promised you my everything
It would be a perfect love story, if only this was not our ending
You are my everything and everything is you
If only you'd live for me, I'd easily die for you
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The sharing of intimacy between us, is it momentary and meaningless to you? Does it merely pass and become lost in a tangle of memories? When you're locked in embrace, what is it that you observe? Or are you so rushed and taken by the heat of the moment that all this is swept away by the anticipation of experiencing a sweet, divine pleasure? Regardless, only you have the power to free me this way. A warm body that pins me down, hot and heavy; lips pressing against mine, passionate and fervent; tongue and fingers on my chest, touching and teasing before traveling to my stomach, legs and then lower – it's pain, arousal and pleasure all woven together into a flawless tapestry. Just the thought of me melting against your skin bursts open my formerly closed world, as you so graciously accept me into your own. And then, I fall in love with you all over again. But when morning comes, I'll lay awake and alone, once again, left with nothing but sweet memories and lingering warmth. Still, my eyes continue to seek you while my body craves for more. I'm stuck in this nightmare, one that I keep thinking I'll wake from. I keep thinking that I'll forever remain safe and secure in your arms, that there will come a time when you will utter those three words to me, the ones that all lovers share. I had been wrong, so terribly wrong, that the knowledge of my stupidity and blindness was like a separate pain all to itself.
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Hey, everyone. It just occurred to me recently that I haven't been to LJ for months. The occasional times I drop by here were simply to post some of my scribblings as an excuse to express emotions that I can't speak of. And I'm sad to admit that I don't know what's been happening in all your lives as of late. I don't even know what's going on with mine anymore. This is the first of my university years, and it has had its up's and down's. I've been so busy with studies, assignments and clubs that I haven't had time for myself and for you guys. I regret not being online more often because I feel that I've lost the connection I once had with you all and it makes me a little bit sad. I kept on telling myself to make time but that hasn't really happened. :x In the first semester, if some of you could recall, I finally made my decision to do my university years in Australia and since coming to this country, everything is so different. I had to adjust myself to new surroundings, new friends - a whole new life. It was overwhelming at first, but I came to meet people who made coming here worth while. But many things have happened since then. And above all, I've found a guy I almost come to think as the one. But our relationship ended and I'm possibly still hung up on it - not because I'm still in love with him, but because he played me for a fool and I can't seem to forget how much it hurts whenever I think about it. ( He's a jerk and an asshole at best )And this is probably the reason that made me come back here, because I've never felt so alone before and it's driving me insane. And if anything, I wish that typing all of this down would make everything go away. But that's not going to happen, is it?
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It's the intensity of your piercing gaze that I constantly feel roaming my skin, gleaming through the dark that night has sheathed us with, glistening with naked intentions. It's the low resonance of your voice and faint acridity of your breath whispered near the lobes of my ear, which is so oddly familiar. It's the lingering trace of your worn and callous hands I still feel pressed softly and firmly against my flesh – All the things that though are not ideal or perfect, are so uniquely you to me. You make me feel safe, you make me belong. But there are times, however, when even being right feels wrong. This sharing of intimacy, being in close and comforting proximity, is it momentary and insignificant in meaning to you? Are you so rushed and taken by the heat of the moment that all this is merely a torrent of hormones? Would the moments we shared simply come to pass and become lost in an inextricable tangle of memories, not meant to ever be evoked? There are many questions that I inwardly grapple with, those which you blissfully pretend not to know of. It doesn't have to matter to you, but it makes all the difference in the world to me. There you stand, vacuous and ignorant, strong arms encircling my waist and face just inches away from mine. A part of me wants to reach out with a hand and send a slap across for all the hurt you've knowingly caused. The other part wants to react in a polar opposite manner, to return the embrace, to express the sheer want and longing, to be held safe and secure in blissful ignorance, to be loved. But there I stand, hands frozen by my side, vexed and paralyzed, unable to react to this odd conflict of emotions.
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 Humans have enjoyed theatrical plays since the dawn of time, often forgetting that they themselves put up an act before others in real life. Like a devil dancing on a painted stage. This barricade of lies they so easily build can shield them from facing reality, but one day, they will surely fall to pieces from the pressure built within. Fate can be ever so cruel to these beings who find comfort in deceit. They are condemned to slowly lose their mind, humanity, and are cast out of the circle they think they can fall back on. Then, they lose their existence and the very essence that defines them. In an instant, in a blink of an eye – They are gone. Dead and forgotten.
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You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together. But if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there. - Bob Marley
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It's different now. You no longer mingle with familiar beings, and along with that which you left behind, the warm atmosphere that had once wrapped you in a loving embrace has now dissipated. Comforting faces have disintegrated from your sight and are replaced with unknown faces that you don't quite recognise. These people looking at you, surrounding you, introducing themselves – you don't know them. Before you know it, what was once ordinary, what was once common, what was once routine, what was once something you knew you could fall back onto, is no longer. Everything is new. You are simply overwhelmed and left speechless, vulnerable and confused. But persistently shying away from matters which manifest in the recesses of your mind only leads you to become one of those types – the type who is senselessly confined and ignorant, the type who suffers as a result of self-induced silence, the type who realizes how wonderfully different things could have been once it is already far too late. Everything is different. 'Foreign' is never a word which appeases the mind. So there you are, like a deer caught in the glaring headlights, for the world to see. The murky brown pool of your eyes trash about restlessly, clearly revealing how lost you are, making you feel more vulnerable than ever. Nothing is hidden. Not a thing is left covered. And suddenly the nudity of it all becomes offensive. ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦Hi, this is my first post from Melbourne, Australia. I'm alive and well, but homesick, very much so. What I miss are reassuring presences, my comfort zone. I came across this quote once that said distance has a way of factoring itself into the already fraught equation. I know that now, by learning it the hard way.
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 The day has finally come. My flight to Melbourne is tonight at 9.30 pm. And in a few hours from then, I'll be in new, unfamiliar grounds, away from my home for 3 years (though I'll be back during some of the long breaks). I can still remember how glad I was at the thought of it, during my previous breakdown, how I wish to escape the problems and troubles I have by running away, disguised by my trip to study abroad. I know it's wrong, but some part of me is sighing in relief. But now, I'm simply a bundle of mixed emotions – happy for the journeys that lie ahead, excited for the new experiences yet to unfold, and sad for leaving my comfort zone, the place I know I can fall back on. It's a scary thought, it really is, but the notion oddly sends tingles of exhilaration throughout my being. My life, my journeys, they lie in the outstretched road beyond and now, I'm standing at the starting point. The beginning.
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